he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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