i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
