i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
