I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
