Tell her she can't have a vagina
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize