soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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