Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
And then he peed in my hair
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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