drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
