So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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