Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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