and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
