Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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