the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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