the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
