this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It's just like the Real World with babies
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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