five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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