Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
