She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
