I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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