Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
