we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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