You just made me feel so damn special
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
