If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize