Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
