PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize