I'm lost and stupid without you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
