I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
