It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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