I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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