I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
