He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
