Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
