Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
