Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
