We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
