Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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