So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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