He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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