If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
