I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so let's talk penis.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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