i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
