It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
