I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
