OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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