I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
