i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
