Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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