Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
PANTIES FOUND
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize