Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
