i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
