It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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