Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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