things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
