I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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