they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
