Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
