Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
