Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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