Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
