So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize