Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
