would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
