The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
