I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
