meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
