So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
